Science Forums 2

[TheBigDog]

Originally Posted by IrishEyes

Do you think this is a viable educational alternative? I'm not going to ask "Could it work?", because they have been doing it since the 60's, so they're doing something right. But could it work for your kids? For you?

A viable alternative? Maybe. I am skeptical about how rules and complete freedom coexist. They mention a court system in the school, but not what the expectations or rules are. Would it work for my kids? Absolutely not. I would have abused the freedom as a kid, like I did in my "gifted programs", and exacerbated character flaws that I struggle with to this day.

My oldest boy struggled with school almost from the beginning. From the second grade he pretty much gave up any display of ambition. There was no form of external motivation that he would respond to. No amount of help or encouragement helped. In the second grade they had a "star student" award if you turned in all your assignments for the week, and got no behavior reports for the week. He set the goal of getting star student one time. But he never did it. We would work with him to get all his homework done and organized every night. But on Monday or Tuesday of every week he would intentionally not turn in an assignment because he didn't want the pressure of succeeding. As a parent this was very frustrating.

When we moved to Colorado in 1998 he tested extremely poorly and was put into remedial courses which he failed. Now he gives the impression that he is a bright kid, but seems totally disinterested in anything that comes with expectations. During the summers when we lived a lifestyle similar to what is talked about in the link he would do nothing that remotely challenged him, and basically forget anything he may have learned the previous year.

So in 99 we enrolled him in a charter school that was part of the "Expeditionary Learning Outward Bound" network. The hope was that with the hands on activities, and the group settings, he would spur some interest in school. We let him continue for 3 years hoping that there was a breakthrough around the corner, and all he did was sink further into a hole. He was doing no work, and was basically using school as a big social club. He hid behind the groups efforts to try and pass, and did nothing himself. The people who ran the school were far more concerned with his self esteem than with his ability to actually display knowledge of any topic, or ability to critically think, or accept responsibility. We had meeting after meeting where he made his plan for following the school rules and raising his academic participation. And the whole time he fell further and further behind. But despite that, he was advanced from grade to grade and had learned nothing except how to procrastinate and manipulate his teachers and parents into letting him accept no responsibility.

I got fed up with it in the third year and against everyones wishes put him into the regular middle school. For one quarter he got one A, one B, one C and three D's, the best grades he had ever gotten, and I was extremely proud that he was showing that he could do the work. I put that report card up on the refrigerator and we went out to dinner to celebrate that he had passed every class. Well, that was good enough for him. As soon as he was satisfied that he could do it, he felt no need to repeat the feat. He passed only one class the next quarter, and didn't give a damn about it. He would lie to us, and lie to his teachers, and spiral into failure. Now I am no stranger to working with people of varying motivations. I manage large project teams and need to teach people how to rethink how they do their jobs. This is very intimidating to them, and requires a great deal of creative coaching to help them realize success (especially with a time line and budget). but despite anything I would do with my eldest, no luck. No rewards or punishments worked because he was totally impervious to external motivation, and had no interest in anything aside from a social life.

Well, in the 9th grade he ended up having a brush with the law. And the judge that he was facing put good grades as a condition of his probation. I was being relocated to Ohio, and that meant that if he didn't get good grades I needed to fly him back to Colorado so he could do time in detention, at my cost. Suddenly his bad attitude toward school was no longer an option.

Well, when we got to Ohio I decided that enough was enough. I stopped the pretense that he would ever give a damn about school, and dictated his new rules of conduct. These rules came from my wife and I, his PO, and his court mandated counseling. It required a complete lifestyle change not just for him, but for the whole family. My wife and I decided his courses and set expectations. Every comfort in life was stripped away from him. He had a bed in the unfinished basement, a desk and an alarm clock. No phone, no friends over. No Internet or computer games. No leaving the yard to play with people. He could do things with the family, but that was omitted if he was caught lying to us. He was given rules of conduct around the house that he had to follow, and my wife and I became the strict and consistent enforcers of those rules.

There was an initial violent rebellion to this aimed at everyone in the family, and I do not hesitate to admit that he quickly learned the futility and pain associated with venting his anger that way. I know it is hard for some people to accept, but a good ass kicking or two seemed to clear away his confusion and denial about his new circumstances and began his road to recovery. He slowly adopted to expectations and began to thrive as a family member, member of society, and student. He is now getting good grades in high school and holding down a job at McDonald's. He pays for his own counceling costs and gets a little of his own money to spend on himself. Once he submitted to following the rules he was given a real bedroom upstairs with the rest of the family. His counseling has gone well and his probation ends soon. He is looking forward to joining the Army.

The point of all this is that some people need help in avoiding the path of failure. And despite our best intentions, we sometimes don't do our kids any good by being easy on them and letting them drift as they see fit. There are people who will thrive in such an open environment, but in my experience it can be a trap as well for clever kids who will take advantage of the situation.

Bill