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Originally Posted by Lorin_Leslie  dude okay sooooo... why cant i pat a burning dog? |
You don't have to take my word for it. But it really is a bad idea. It also depends on cicumstances, though. If you see a labrador on fire strolling down the street, you should not approach it. A burning lab might want to hump your leg, being all hot and stuff. You might want to look around for a hose or something to cool the dog down. But labs have been known to spontaneously ignite, so I wouldn't stand too close to them. Nice dogs, however.
If you see a border collie with smoke coming out his fur, feel free to pat him. Border collies are incredibly smart dogs, and perfectly able to put themselves out if they should have the bad luck to ignite. Most border collies catch fire through accidentally sparking themselves when they're welding bigger and better cat traps together. As a matter of fact, border collies are so smart that you shouldn't ever see one on fire - it would've been put out long before. You're probably wondering why the Fire Departments all over the world use dalmations instead of border collies, if the collies are so smart? Well, the nice answer would be that dalmations are even smarter, but that, unfortunately, is not the truth. In truth, dalmations are probably the dumbest animals in existence. Once the firefighters have put the fire out, they let the dalmation into the building (or remains) to look for any flames missed by the firefighters. The dalmation does it in the following way:
He will run up and down the rubble, and will see a flickering yellow thing. The flickering yellow thing looks friendly. The dalmation likes friendly things. The dalmation runs to the friendly yellow thing with a big slobbering smile. "Will you be my friend?" the dalmation asks in Dalmanese. The flame grows slightly, which the dalmation sees as confirmation. "Yay! Me have friend! Let's play!" the dalmation replies, and proceeds to roll over the flame. The flame, of course, ignites the dalmation, who starts to burn a bright yellow. The firefighters are then able to put out the rest of the fire by following the brightly burning dog like a beacon. They also put the dog out, dries him off, and let him go off in search of new friends. When the dog is gone for more than 10 minutes without catching fire, the firemen assumes the fire has been put out and will leave the scene. They don't use border collies because the border collies will hang out around the perimeter, bumming cigarettes from everybody, and reckon the fire chief is bloody crazy if he thinks he's going into that burning pile of crap. Some delinquent border collies have been known to jack cars just to get away from the fire. They find it mostly boring, and will go and look for some action somewhere else.
But then again, the recommended actions to take for different breeds vary in matters of a pyrotechnical nature. For instance, if you see a flaming chihuahua, add some lighter fluid.
isn't it true that in chess 
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