Bullying. Any ideas on how to stop it?

[Zach Neptune]

What an excellent thread! It really illustrates that good people of conscience can see the same facts and reach totally opposite conclusions – and that intelligence is meaningless when dealing with emotional issues.

I’ll try to be concise.
• Bullying and “social hierarchies” are common in the animal kingdom. Like it or not, its programmed into human nature. No amount of anti-bully policies, anti-bully legislation, or anti-bully rallies will alter that.
• School sponsored anti-bully programs do not work. Every major meta-analysis reveals no discernable positive effect, and sometimes they make the situation worse.
• Pacifism and acquiescence are preached by people who abdicate their own duty of self-defense and demand that other people must protect them. These are cowardly philosophies that do not work in the real world.
• There IS a distinction between unprovoked aggression and self-defense.
• “Force” is a tool. The misuse of a tool is not an argument against its proper use.
• “Hope” and “Luck” are not a plan of action. “I’ve been lucky so far, I hope nothing bad happens to me” is wishful thinking at its worst.
• Bullies choose their targets based on a number of subtle signals. If the target ‘broadcasts’ different signals, a bully picks a different target.
• It’s a PARENTS responsibility to prepare their kid to face the world and its challenges. It’s not the job of cops, teachers, administrators or politicians.

I’d like to recommend an excellent learn-at-home program for parents and children age 5-12. It worked for our family, and it gets my strongest endorsement. The Total Bully Solution is an interdisciplinary, 3-phase approach that deals with everything from teasing to intimidation to rumors to outright violence.
Adam Blum, the guy that created the system, has an amazing track record of success. He really cares.

Bottom line- Wishing doesn’t make reality change – yes it would be nice if every day was filled with sunshine and balloons and birthday cake and puppy kisses. And if you wait for someone else to fix your child’s bullying nightmare, your child will continue to suffer.

[paigetheoracle]

Interesting post above. Yes, bullies latch onto the scared and apparently the frightened give off a smell that animals are more aware of than humans but it doesn't mean we don't react to this sense even if we're not consciously aware of it. Another obvious clue to fear is the flinch reaction, which is purely visual and is used as a game in playgrounds from time immemorial. It is also visible in the eyes that want to turn away because facing is seen as challenging and in the amount of white visible. Body posture also indicates avoidance of conflict (arms forced down as opposed to folded in front of you). A relaxed rather than tense body shows lack of fear and I'm sure there are many others people can think of that send out signals that draw aggression to you or frighten it away, in the form of bullying. Others can protect you but what do you do when they are not there? You need inner resources and that means confidence in yourself. Does that mean training in self-defence? Not necessarily as true confidence repels any sign of aggression in others (males in the animal kingdom fight for dominance but once established don't need to as they keep the peace because everyone cow tows to their will. It is the collapse of ego in the old and its growth in the young, that start the struggle for power: Martial artists at the upper echelons know it is just down to intention and awareness, that maintains peace because if you're on constant alert, who can take you unawares and what dangers are you likely to fall into?).