Family Values: Divorce

[HydrogenBond]

Part of the problem with the cultural acceptance of divorce is it creates the option to quit, such that people start to plan their future that way. Let me give an analogy. Say you have a child about to start college. This is his college wedding day where is is starting the honeymoon of fun. At the beginning of freshman year you tell him, college can be fun but it can it also a lot of work and can create a lot of pressure. Your mother and I will give the option to quit. It is better to stick it out and do well, but you can quit anytime you want.

With that option available, many students will begin the process of thinking I can quit at anytime. What that means is why bust my hump. I should make this freshman college experience more fun and enjoyable. Once the fun is gone and it is time to work, the quit option will always be there. By then, he is far behind and the pressure gets worse than if he planned better.

If instead the parents said quitting or failing is not an option. The freshman goes into this without a quit option and has to plan differently. He is looking further down the road and tries to find a better balance between work and play, only playing after the work is done. He is trying to lower the stress so he can last the duration. He may even chose the college differently.

With divorce the quit option is available. The freshman fun is being in love and playing house. This is analogous to all the fraternity parties. But after this easy part is over, and after falling behind, the pressure begins. The quit option is sort of like being able to transfer to another freshman year. Much of the stress leading to divorce is bad planning due to the option.

If you knew you can't divorce your choice of mate may be different. It is better to find a team player who can last the entire game. If the quit option is available, it may be better to get a playmate and ride the wave until it crashes into the shore. Playmates are good in the first half of a marriage, maybe through sophomore year, and seem to fade at second half.

Part of the problem is culture does not use an objective scale in terms of relative merit. Obviously marriage is harder, which is why we have the quit option. This clause is there began it is too difficult for some. Culture needs to give more credit to those that last.