Looking for Ideas: How would you engineer a sex den?

[InfiniteNow]

So, I have a remodelling project before me, and I am looking for ideas from you. It's a bedroom remodel. Sleeping quarters, bathroom suite, master closet.

What deserves to be in a sex den? What would make the space not just appealing to the man, but also appealing to the woman?

Is it about shapes?
Is it about decoration?
Is there some feng-shui involved?

I'm trying to go beyond the whole "mirrors on the ceiling" thing, and make this a place of refuge, comfort, and passion.

What would you do if you had unilimited money and resources? Even the sky is not the limit.

[freeztar]

A geodesic-dome skylight is necessary.
It should be tinted light pink/rose to match the intent.
The walls should be a light grey with spotlights that shine in hues of red and blue, obviously creating purple crossovers.
And in true Austin Powers splendor, you simply must have a rotating, circular bed.

Barry White should be on repeat.

Satin sheets? Nah...go for silk.

Make sure that you are too hip to be square and instead fashion an obtusely hexagonal room. At the acute angles, place statues of Venus. Obtuse angles should be the entryways.

Flooring is obvious. Crimson Shag!

Sink handles should be hearts and the flusher handle should be a chain with kinky trinkets adorning it.

Jacuzzi is obligatory. No showers allowed.
Floor mats for the bathroom should be quick dry and eco friendly. I recommend abraded hemp or bamboo. Heck, just make the whole flooring bamboo (with radiant heat flooring of course).

The bedstand should be a lotion holder for impromptu massage sessions.
Other (un)savory items should be kept in the drawers.

I agree that mirrors are often cheesy, but if they are well placed, they can be quite entertaining.

Oh yeah! Bedding...
Soft and fluffy, but not overly insulating.
Layering is the key.

Hmmm...did I miss anything?

[InfiniteNow]

Okay... as we can all see, it's been quite some time since our friend of recently celebrated birth has gotten laid. Can I get some REAL ideas from others who are better informed please?



Statue of venus, round bed with motor, and walls colored like cigarette ash and lights that flicker unicorns... ermmm... yeah... I'll get right on that.

[freeztar]

Hey, if you want to roll all un-shagarrific, then don't let ME stop ya!

As for my own "nest of love", I set the mood by collecting a pile of dirty laundry on the floor coupled with a distinct dislike of clothes folding. No artifacts adorn the walls of the nearly square, and tiny, room. (but of course, I'm omitting the incense, candles, and Sade music)

Seems to work pretty good for me!

[InfiniteNow]

Originally Posted by freeztar

As for my own "nest of love", I set the mood by collecting a pile of dirty laundry on the floor coupled with a distinct dislike of clothes folding.

I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thank you. I realize now that I, too, have laundry to do.

Originally Posted by freeztar

No artifacts adorn the walls of the nearly square, and tiny, room. (but of course, I'm omitting the incense, candles, and Sade music)

You should check out her DVD you smooth operator. One of my best ever purchases.


Seriously, though. This is an exercise in architecture. Blacklight posters just aren't gonna do.

[Boerseun]

You got it all wrong.

From an architectural point of view, you should break down all walls and rebuild it with bare rock held together with badly applied mortar. All windows must be built up as well, with only one small 1-foot barred windowless hole allowed to let some airflow through. Alternatively, that hole can be used to throw foodscraps through in the week (or month) of foreplay it takes.

Bathroom? What bathroom? Ablution facilities should consist of a hole in the barren floor. Nothing says "I love you" like a chain that's just long enough to reach the hole to do your business.Also, no lighting, please. I mean, come on! Where have you ever seen a well-lit dungeon? Lighting should consist of a holder in the wall where you can place a flickering oil lamp (or flaming torch, alternatively) when you, as caring dungeonmaster, do your rounds.

Additional decorations would be wrought-iron hand locks chained to the wall, a cat 'o nine tails, a stretching rack, a mace, and an ominous-looking thing with spikes. All of these should be kept a little further from your love than her chain is long, for obvious reasons.

For increased atmosphere (you have to set the mood right), I strongly recommend going to the nearest pet store and invest in some rats or mice. Hearing squeaks and scratches in the otherwise dead-quiet and pitch-black dark whilst you're pondering your mortality being chained to a wall really gets the juices flowing.

Also, as far as plumbing goes, a pipe should be run around the room just below the barren concrete slab ceiling. This pipe should be carefully cracked in selected places to produce a continuous dripping. Experience have taught me that the most effective frequency is a drip every three seconds. You can fine-tune it to your tastes, however. Also, make sure you've got a good mould growing - it really sets the mood!

As far as mirrors is concerned, I highly recommend a full-length mirror (cracked and weathered, of course) that's angled slightly away from your loved one. This is not for her benefit, but solely for yours. When you're ready to make the next move, you'll of course have to don your leathers with the spiky necklace-thingy and prance around the mirror talking to yourself in weird tones whilst patting your maltese poodle with pink bows in her ears. This is sure to get your lady all hot and bothered.

And that's about it, I guess. Body disposal to be handled at your own discretion.

[InfiniteNow]

You are one sick puppy... I like it!

I think I'll be going down the Home Depot and talking to the nice older lady behind the counter and seeing what she thinks. That seems like it's probably the better bet judging from the Shagadelic meets Neanderthalian suggestions I've received above.

[REASON]

Man, It's amazing how much you can learn about the inner workings of a relatively anonymous blogger by their efforts to answer a question like this....no doubt by asking a question like this.

My major in architecture was in Landscape Architecture, so unless your looking for some sort of indoor/outdoor look that resembles a park, garden or golf course, I'm not likely to provide much assistance.

My only suggestion would be that since this is your pad, the Master Suite shoud be emblematic of the Master. It should be sincere. Your colors, your style of art and decor, your favorite textiles. It should represent your masculenity. That's what she expects, not your attempt to appear emotional and sensitive, or some sort of player or pimp. If she likes you and your style, she will want to see that reflected in how you create your environment. She is likely to be turned off by any perceived attempt by you to lure someone in with fakery, and an intelligent woman (assuming that's what you're after) will see right through it.

Of course, if you ever move in together or get married, all your crappy guy stuff will have to go.

[InfiniteNow]

Originally Posted by REASON

Of course, if you ever move in together or get married, all your crappy guy stuff will have to go.

We've been together for a good long while, actually. She's been helping me with projects, but we're both looking for ideas to make the bedroom more "zazzy."

The room itself isn't bad at all, but I do need to expand the master bath and closet. They're both pretty small and tight as the house was built in the early 70s.

Originally Posted by REASON

My major in architecture was in Landscape Architecture, so unless your looking for some sort of indoor/outdoor look that resembles a park, garden or golf course, I'm not likely to provide much assistance.

I could actually use some ideas there, too. My front yard lacks "curb appeal." I recently painted the house which helped tremendously (it used to be a flat primer gray... on stucco... and now it's a rich chocolate milk color, with white milky trim.

Seriously, do you have any ideas? Here's the basic layout:

PHP Code:

neighbor__|___F__|//My House//////|____F______| neighbor
neighbor__|      |//My House//////|           | neighbor
          |        |Dvway|                   *H*
          |        |Dvway|            *LO*   *H*
          |        |Dvway|                   *H*
          |        |Dvway|                   *H*
          |        |Dvway|      *S*          *H*
          |        |Dvway|  [MB]             *H*
++++++++++++++++++        ++++++++++++++++++++++
street                                        street
                       street
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Where:

F = fence
H = hedge (red tipped verdenia I think)
LO = Live Oak (but it's still growing and only a few years old, so small)
S = somewhat older tree of unknown variety, no flowers
MB = brick mailbox

[CraigD]

The design of a sex den – or any other special purpose room – depends on the requirements of the special purpose. Unlike, say, decorative ceramics making, sex is such a varied activity that I’d say no pro or even amateur architect worth the appellation would offer actual design suggestions until after an in-depth client interview.

That said, who hasn’t at least sketched a few sex den designs? (I actually built a basswood model of one, for school credit, though labeled it “Lounge”)

A general observation about the architectural process: When considering a room, it’s good to be aware of the distinction between giving the appearance of being good for its intended purposes, and actually being good for them. With, say, kitchens, this distinction can manifest as steel shelving and commercial appliances where the main users actually is better and more comfortable with commodity appliances and cabinets. With a sex den, it can manifest as lots of latex and hardpoints for chains and swings, when the main users actually prefer frilly curtains and Little Mermaid wallpaper. If the main users are divided in preferences, their problems are likely far more profound than architectural aesthetics.

If you’re seriously going the kinky route, a few simple building engineering principles should keep you out of trouble: wall hardpoints should attach to studs, not drywall, ceiling ones to beams, but be careful with a top story room with an unfinished attic that they’re actually load-bearing. A psychological principle’s needed, too: it’s wise to try out a rental version of a particular space before any home remodeling, in case you prove less kinky than first believed.

This is a strange thread!