Science experiment - is everything funny?

[Ahmabeliever]

I recognise both comics pieces. The Carlin excerpt can be found on youtube with God or religion in the title. About 10 minutes long where he tears the church a virtual new one, love that guy.

I'm VERY SERIOUSLY thinking about writing a show called...

Godless.

Imagine sueing the church for fraud. For taking your parents money under false pretenses while you went hungry as children.

Death threats from 'good christians' would arrive in no time. They'd have me up there in the dock swearing on the bible that I think the bible is a crock of shit.

"I'm trying to help poor people by getting their money back"

Only Jesus can help the poor, he tells us we must sell our material posessions, and follow him.

"But if everyone sold everything, who would be the buyer?"

That's where the church comes in. Through owning all the assets we help to save the poor from themselves.

"Then how will you be saved?"

Jesus said, Greater love have no man, that he lay down his life for his fellow man. We make the sacrifice for you.

"Well, I can't argue with that, where do I send the cheque?"


10% of my Fathers wage over 40 years. That's 4 years of his wages. $160 000 for the security of my Fathers soul. I'm not sure if the rest of the family were included in this sum, I've yet to see the paperwork.

Newly converted souls in the church won't have made as much financial contribution either. This is where the church helps them cleaning their habits up so they might get a nice suit and a better job, then they can try to catch up.

Imagine getting to heaven and you're 3 months behind in your payments, and they don't take amex!

DOOMED.

It pays to think ahead, the church has got it covered. Death insurance with church benefactors. Their love has found a way.

[Ahmabeliever]

Growing up with God in the house wasn’t so easy. Aside from the threat of Russia nuking us at any minute there was Jesus coming back and he was gonna be PISSED OFF!

One time at Christmas we kids looked at the presents early and we were told not to, so we’d broken a commandment and dishonored our parents. Well, Christmas came without event and as well as the presents we knew about we also got a trampoline. Maybe peeking at present’s is ok with God…

So my Sister's on the trampoline that afternoon and there’s this big freakin knock you down earthquake and while she’s coming down the trampoline splits in half! Just like Jesus did to the curtains at the temple! I was deeply disturbed.

I found Dads porno collection. If God was gonna bring earthquakes and destroy our trampoline for peeking at Christmas presents what was I gonna get for touching my willy while looking at Sun Soakers Quarterly. I’m expecting retribution.

Unknown to me a milk powder factory burns down upstream of the river that runs through our village. Everything in the river dies and as I walk home from school I am greeted by the corpses of fish and frogs and eels and to top it off a bloated upside down cow stuck in midstream.

God has made the waters undrinkable, and killed all the fish and the animals, and I had better leave the porno mags alone.

But they proved irresistible. It’s not easy being a child when you’re doomed.

[Ahmabeliever]

Folks, honestly, is this stuff any good or not? I know it's not going to be funny for folks who believe in God,

How about those who are still confused over it all? Sitting on the fence.

Does the funny outweigh the guilt for questioning faith?

Even when I was sitting on the fence of my beliefs, I found Hicks on Dinosaurs hilarious, but felt a bit guilty about it too.

And I'm quite serious about writing a show called Godless, got a few silly ideas to go with the rants.

Wouldn't it be way funny to set up some tesla coil or something that flicks on instantly

"And closing, to put my money where my mouth is, if God really is true, may he strike me d....

(coil flicks on lighting strikes me)

Aaaargh!