(Sociology) what do you say when your wife/girlfriend says "

Symbology · 12-07-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michaelangelica

Well, any suggestions on what is the perfect reply when your wife/girlfriend says:-
"Does my bum look too big in this?"

The cocky and funny technique of David D'Angelo is to say with a playful tone:
*pause*
Well... I wasn't going to say anything but....
*wink*

If you do it right she will hit you on the arm, tell you what a jerk you are and laugh.

If you do it wrong she will hit you on the arm, tell you what a jerk you are (and maybe walk).

There is a subtle but key difference there in your intention and your confidence in yourself.

In general the trick is to use a judo move. Take their worst fear and make it a reality... thereby making it ridiculous.

It's something like what Sheldon on the CBS show "The Big Bang Theory" introduced me to. Reducto ad absurdum - reduction to the absurd.

This technique also works on your best buddy who is bumming about whether he will ever get another girlfriend. "You're right man... there is not a woman on this planet that would ever want to get near you... in fact that woman that was eying you in Starbucks the other day... she was just getting your license plate number to warn all the other women out there. Now c'mon... quit being a worry wart and lets go have some fun"

But I guess the key issue is where you are in the relationship. If you are the one always trying to make her happy, you will make her miserable because you aren't being yourself and being "authentic". If instead you do the things that you like to do (that think of her and include her) then she will be a much happier camper and wont have time to ask you silly questions like "does this make my butt look..." because you will be telling her to get her (hiking boots, black dress, notebook for the local discussion on X) so that you can go!

The key thing that "nice guys" miss is that they need to do their homework. They need to spend the time to find activities for the couple to do that will be fun for both of them. The worst mistake any guy can make is to say "whatever you want to do dear" because that shows you have not done your homework and you are leaving the work up to her to figure something out and make the decision. They don't like that. And eventually a confident girl will go find a guy who does do his homework.

By the way its alway important to have Plan B (and even C) so that if she doesn't like Plan A you have the fall back. If she doesn't like Plan A, B, or C then consider she is giving you the signal that the two of you really are just not all that compatible and it's time to find someone who will appreciate your Plans.

"There's nothing like the power of good bye"
- Madonna

REASON · 12-07-2007

(REASON grabs a small Coke for $10 at the concession stand and joins the other voyeurs.....waiting for someone to contribute more than just tight-lipped criticisms)

.....oh wait! I'm supposed to be in the middle of this fight.

Well, sorry. To me it isn't worth fighting over this issue. Not here on this thread, nor at home with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Forgive me if I don't think this particular issue is the crux of a successful marriage/relationship. There are so many variables involved that require knowing the person you're dealing with. And if a relationship can't withstand fumbling an answer to a question like this, than it probably doesn't have a strong enough foundation in the first place and requires a lot of work, or is doomed to fail.

Generally speaking, I believe honesty is the best policy in any relationship. Honesty and trust are the crux of a successful relationship. You can love someone with all your heart, but it will be meaningless without honesty and trust. If you believe the outfit makes her look great, tell her the truth. If you think the outfit is unflattering, she deserves to know the truth. If you don't care about clothing, let her know. Just be sensitive to her feelings in the process. If a relationship can't handle truth and honesty, either you have a lot of work to do, or you might as well hang it up.

Who here is going to claim that they have always said the right thing to their partner? Who can admit that they've made mistakes in dealing with the one they love? Well I sure have, and I expect I'll make more. Beat me with a skillet or call me a total failure with incomplete assertions if you will, but I know my intentions, and I will continue to be someone who strives to be considerate, honorable, caring, honest, and loving toward the people that are the most important to me in my life. And even in those efforts, I may still find myself misunderstood, misrepresented, and just plain shit on.

Such is the miracle of life.

Symbology · 12-07-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by REASON

(REASON grabs a small Coke for $10 at the concession stand and joins the other voyers.....waiting for someone to contribute more than just tight-lipped criticisms)

.....oh wait! I'm supposed to be in the middle of this fight.

Well, sorry. To me it isn't worth fighting over this issue. Not here on this thread, nor at home with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Forgive me if I don't think this particular issue is the crux of a successful marriage/relationship. There are so many variables involved that require knowing the person you're dealing with, and if a relationship can't withstand fumbling an answer to a question like this, than it probably doesn't have a strong enough foundation in the first place and requires a lot of work, or is doomed to fail.

Generally speaking, I believe honesty is the best policy in any relationship. Honesty and trust are the crux of a successful relationship. You can love someone with all your heart, but it will be meaningless without honesty and trust. If you believe the outfit makes her look great, tell her the truth. If you think the outfit is unflattering, she deserves to know the truth. If you don't care about clothing, let her know. Just be sensitive to her feelings in the process. If a relationship can't handle truth and honesty, either you have a lot of work to do, or you might as well hang it up.

Who here is going to claim that they have always said the right thing to their partner? Who can admit that they've made mistakes in dealing with the one they love? Well I sure have, and I expect I'll make more. Beat me with a skillet or call me a total failure with incomplete assertions if you will, but I know my intentions, and I will continue to be someone who strives to be considerate, honorable, caring, honest, and loving toward the people that are the most important to me in my life. And even in those efforts, I may still find myself misunderstood, misrepresented, and just plain shit on.

Such is the miracle of life.

Bravo!

Symbology · 12-07-2007

By the way the D'Angelo technique mentioned above is dangerous if you don't have the correct frame. If you do not have a playful relationship with your mate then I would work at setting that as a goal. Because if everything is taken seriously then what I said will only get you put in boiling oil =)

But then if everything is being taken seriously, how the jeans fit is really not the chief of your worries.

Boerseun · 12-08-2007

For the question to:

"Does my ass look big in this?"

...the answer can only be:

"Yes, my dear. You've got a fat butt. Eat less. Exercise more. Stop stuffing your face with unhealthy crap, and your ass will fit those pants nicely."

If she kicks you out, you're better off. Chihuauas and fat chicks should be shot.

Qfwfq · 12-10-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by InfiniteNow

You could always just say, "I love you."

Now that, however trivial, is at least better than "What's for dinner tonight honey?".

Quote:

Originally Posted by REASON

And if a relationship can't withstand fumbling an answer to a question like this, than it probably doesn't have a strong enough foundation in the first place and requires a lot of work, or is doomed to fail.

The point here is "fumbling an answer", exactly. Fumble it, and you're outta here. If it ain't this time, you're on the road out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by REASON

Generally speaking, I believe honesty is the best policy in any relationship.

Not every lie is dishonesty. Not every lie is a lie.

What's that old saying? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." And, if you want to be her husband, you are the beholder, the only beholder, and whatever any other guy thinks just plain doesn't count. If her bum is the least exciting thing about her, just tell her it's absolutely fine and then tell her that she's just simply perfect. If you find the slightest difficulty in saying that to her, quit her before it's too late. Even if she keeps giving you another chance, it's no use.

Compliments work; it's in the very nature of the female mind. Most people like to be flattered and will grant more to those who flatter them. It has an especially great effect on a woman, and if you want to be her man it's sine qua non. What is sincerity? It is not when the assert is true, it is when saying it just comes spontaneous.

When I was a student and spent my days in a hangout where a lot of people socialized, one of the many acquaintances I had was a girl that was definitely and unmistakeably plump. She wasn't a fine figure of a woman at all, she was one that Groucho Marx might have said that about. She was quite popular due to her strong character and merry attitude and appeared to accept the way she was. She wasn't a close acquaintance of mine, nor was her personality the one I was looking for in a girl, I just found her likeable. More recently, I was very pleased to see that, after having finally found a boyfriend, she had become very trim, she had noticeable curves but was no longer fat and really knew how to be a kitten.

Anyway, back when she was just plain plump, the only time I heard her make a gloomy remark about her body I turned toward her with a sympathetic upwelling and said: "But you're lean." It just came out so spontaneously, I raised my voice to say it, with a lot of emphasis on 'lean' and a tone like "Don't say such nonsense!" and then a grin. She was taken aback and looked at me slightly stunned, her mouth dropped just that little bit and she smiled dreamily, blinked a few times as if I had told her she looks like Claudia Schiffer or Audrey Hepburn, as if I had peeled her a grape, then she tossed her head to one side with a delighted smile and said: "I could give ya a big kiss!" This came out in a rich voice, I wasn't after her and hadn't expected such a reaction, I felt quite embarrassed; it made my grin become a meek, timid smile and my gaze go down to the floor a sec, then I looked back up at her and we just smiled and laughed. If I had been seriously thinking of her I could have just walked straight into her arms.

Quote:

Originally Posted by REASON

If you think the outfit is unflattering, she deserves to know the truth.

That is obviously a different matter. If it depends on the garment, put it in terms of the garment. Say that she's even better in the other ones.

Quote:

Originally Posted by REASON

Who here is going to claim that they have always said the right thing to their partner? Who can admit that they've made mistakes in dealing with the one they love? Well I sure have, and I expect I'll make more.

We all have. Of course. There could be no doubt about it, only a fool would think otherwise. There is the well known and almost trite difference, though: the ability to learn from them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boerseun

If she kicks you out, you're better off. Chihuauas and fat chicks should be shot.

Just like Boerseun!

Michaelangelica · 12-11-2007

Buffy, freeztar and I me?
Are still waiting for the right answer.
No one has got it yet.

Although personally I am delighted with the way this thread has progressed.

It shows the huge amount of creative thought available to us all on Hypography.