Relationship conundrum

[Chacmool]

Originally Posted by Qfwfq

I can understand the word best being a problem, hard to swallow, but honestly it isn't something you can expect a person to choose and he's known her for years more; as the years go by, the difference can dissappear. Emotionally hard to swallow, rationally quite natural and makes sense.

Spot on - emotionally very hard to swallow! Let's hope this difference does disappear over time.

Originally Posted by Qfwfq

Anyway a lot of girls have been my great friends and some of them had initially been partners or missed partners, others not at all. I see no problem with that. If I were in the position of your man, I'd certainly see the talk about making a sacrifice both ways around. Besides, she might even be giving him good advice, if she truly cares about him being happy, and if this is so she could even give you good tips about how to handle him.

That's just it - I don't want her to be giving him advice, especially regarding our relationship! And I certainly don't want any advice from her because that would mean delving into the relationship they once had.

[Qfwfq]

Yup, that sounds quite possessive!

[Chacmool]

Originally Posted by Qfwfq

Yup, that sounds quite possessive!

That's why I posted here - to get advice and maybe a different perspective. Thanks Q, I'll think about things again with your comment in mind.

[Tormod]

Originally Posted by Qfwfq

Just love that smilie.

[Moontanman]

Originally Posted by Monomer

I think this shows the lack of care and respect he has for you and your feelings/concerns. You should really be a priority in his life and if he is unwilling to treat your concerns seriously and sacrifice a little then this will always be a problem in your relationship, and will likely become worse with time.

It seems that he isn't really worth all the tears and sleepless nights. Find someone who repects you, and regards you as his best friend. Like others have said, go with your gut. You need to completely trust him for this to work. If you don't and he won't change then get out now before you invest even more in to the relationship.

to risk being accussed of saying me too i have to agree. Chacmool, I get the definit impression that you are worth far more than he is and you are setting yourself up to be unhappy. You are obviously an intellegent women, find an intellegent man who sees only you as the center of his life. it's what you deserve, it's what every one deserves and needs. I've been happily married fro 30 years because i insisted on both my wife and I being the center of each others worlds. Only our children occupy a more important place. insist on your own place in your spouses world. You'll never regrete it.

michael

[Qfwfq]

Originally Posted by Chacmool

That's why I posted here - to get advice and maybe a different perspective.

Well, it seems you already got several competing perspectives!

Originally Posted by Chacmool

Thanks Q

You're welcome! In any case, continue making mud around here!

[Fatstep]

Adding on to what I already posted, I voted maybe.

Without taking my situation into account I would believe it's all about trust in your relationship, as is almost everything these days. Without it your relationship will suffer the same fate as the one that's causing the issue. I think this also ties into the can men and women just be friends scenario.

[maikeru]

Originally Posted by Chacmool

Well, fellow Hypographers, obviously I'm fishing for some relationship advice. I find myself in the uncomfortable situation where my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (they were together for 7 years and broke up 3 years ago) is also his best friend. He even discusses our relationship with her! I don't like it one bit.

Can I trust him? Can I trust her? Am I being paranoid or unreasonable? Should I allow it to continue? Have you had similar experiences? Sometimes I think men and women simply weren't made to be together...

NB Anyone who suggests a threesome as the ideal solution will get some serious neg rep!

I come to this a bit late and probably not as the best person to give advice, but I feel it'd help to offer at least a few words.

If he's not listening to you and responding, there's something amiss either with his current perception and expectations of the relationship or his relationship with his ex. An equal relationship should lead to both involved being responsive and attentive to each other's needs. And you do have to be careful of lapses in his judgment or the possibility that he will sleep with his ex. I haven't done this in my few relationships. But one of my friends has. He has not seen the need to cut off old relationships to keep new ones.

It is also important to realize that everyone goes through cycles and changes as we get older. I know just a few years ago I had different priorities for relationships than I do now. I could feel very strong drives carrying me and my actions forward then. I was a lot dumber a few years ago, for some reason, and more unattuned to a woman's thoughts and needs. Perhaps I'm still as dumb, but I do a bit better at covering it up now. Let me tell you that possession of a Y chromosome automatically takes 20 IQ points off your tally!

These are trying matters of the heart.