Quality Jokes and Humor

[Michaelangelica]

Kangaroos are to polite to fart.
But Yanks (PETA) won't let us eat them.

[Michaelangelica]

[Ahmabeliever]

Bwa Ha Ha!

That's freak'n hilarious, where's the product from?

[Pyrotex]

ROTFLMAO!

And if you stroke the package gently, it will expand to feed a family of six!!!

[alexander]

(excuse me for the next comment, but it kind of brought itself on...)

naw, that's a white cock on the package, maybe like a family of 4, granted ofcourse that the cock is not Asian...

[DougF]

Pyrotex
ROTFLMAO!
And if you stroke the package gently, it will expand to feed a family of six!!!

[alexander]

Translations can be funny too...:

[Michaelangelica]

No idea pyrotex .
It was a stumble
http://mammon.ssfs.org/soup.jpg

[Pyrotex]

Three Bragging Husbands

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties, shortly after returning home from their honeymoons.

The first man had married a woman from New York, a state known for its feisty, independent-thinking women. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. That was HER job, and he was never to be asked to help. He said that the first day he didn't see any results, but on the second day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Georgia, where the women were notorious for their attitudes. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and all the cooking. That was HER job, and he was never to be asked to help. He said that the first day he didn't see any results, and none on the second day. But by the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were all put up, and she had dinner on the table every evening when he got home.

The third man had married a Texas girl. He bragged that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, all the cooking done and the laundry washed – and this was all her responsibility, and hers alone. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, and not even the third day. But by the fourth day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye!

[Michaelangelica]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Porsche convertible out of the
Dealership in Butte; MT. . Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,

enjoying The wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

Amazing", he thought as he flew down I-90, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him,
Blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then
110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this", and
Pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the
Trooper walked up to the Porsche, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a
Reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused and then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with
A State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir", replied the Trooper.


That reminds me of the old story ( best done by a stand-up comic with lots of sounds and actions) about the old guy that used to take his pristine, bought-from-new, T model ford out for a run every Sunday. He had never in his life gone over 20MPH.

Finally the inevitable happened and one day his old car broke down.

As he was peering into the engine a hoon went by in a Porsche, screeched to as top, reversed screeching, with smoking tyres. The young driver got out and asked if he could help.
Well anyway they finally decided that the hoon in the porche would give the old guy in the T model Ford a tow to the next town about 50 miles away. The Old Guy made the Hoon promise he would not go over 20 MPH. The hoon reluctantly agreed. pretty soon they were tottering along and the old guy was even enjoying the ride even if it was at 30mph.
Suddenly a souped-up Ute came screaming past, horns blazing and overtook the Ford and Porsche, giving the Porsche driver the finger. The Porsche Hoon saw red and forgetting about his tow, took off after the Ute; 40mph; 50mph.
The old guy is getting worried and politely bips his horn to remind his tower of their speed agrement.
60MPH 70MPh Now the old guy in the T model is getting scared and starts to constantly press his horn. The Porsche is gaining on the Ute and can't hear the tinny ford horn 100mph 120MPH and the Porsche is on the tail of the Ute.
The Old guy in the T model is going berserk, waving, bipping, leaning on his horn. He is petrified.
They all woosh past a cop hiding behind a road sign.
The cop realising he had no chance of catching them radios to his mate 10 K down the road.
"Quick george" he says to his police partner," get ready there is a souped up Ute racing a Porsche doing about 150 and a mad old guy in a high powered Ford leaning on his horn trying to pass both of them!"