Quality Jokes and Humor

[Pyrotex]

You just have to read this:

MEAT

[Michaelangelica]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bkFIPLIOGL...600/poison.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bkFIPLIOGL...wins%2Bgun.jpg

[Pyrotex]

MAngelica, like, ???, dude. Your jpg's don't show up in that last one. wtf???

[Moontanman]

Originally Posted by Pyrotex

You just have to read this:

MEAT

That was cool......

[Moontanman]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed.. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[Michaelangelica]

Originally Posted by Pyrotex

You just have to read this:

MEAT

I like it
It rebinds me of the Arthur C Clark's (?) book "The Black Cloud"
and
was it Douglas Adams or a Dr Who villain who described us as 'walking bags of bacteria-filled water'?

Pity about the Laws of Physics and "meat"

[Michaelangelica]

Originally Posted by Pyrotex

MAngelica, like, ???, dude. Your jpg's don't show up in that last one. wtf???

this happens to me whenever someone sends me a pic by email; even if I go to the original URL link.
I don't know why as they are a clear as abell to me.
I have just left the original URLs hope that helps. if not I'll delete them.

[Michaelangelica]

Fannie is not the posterior as in Yankiland
It is the other side.






A man enters a confessional and says to the Priest,
"Father, it has been one month since my last confession and I've sinned with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's"

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have sinned with Fannie Green
twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'.

"The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.
All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar.

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispering asks, "Is that Fannie Green?"

The altar boy replies, ..............................


"No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes"

[Michaelangelica]

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres!

So I called him a piece of horse shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day.

It's important.

[Pyrotex]

Three twelve-year old boys were playing in an alley in one of the older urban sections of Paris, France. One boy was English, one was American, and the third was French.
As they walked along, wondering what to do next, they came upon a lit window above a garage. Intriguing shadows moved across the flimsy curtains.
One boy dared the others to climb onto the garage roof with him and peer into the window. They all climbed up and carefully peeked in.
The English boy said, "That man and woman, they are fighting!"
The American boy said, "They're not fighting, they're making love."
The French boy said, "Yes, and rather badly, too."