[Thunderbird]

I knew you would like it . I'm going to put it on the local forum. First I will post some of the beatitudes Then 2000 years later the above of how religion has evolved over time. Looks like Frezzy took care of the rep. No Frezzy I did not write it I got in an e-mail

[pgrmdave]

Heh...the funny thing was that I was going to say that the joke isn't that funny, really, and it's simply an attack on people who are 'different' from atheists...to each his or her own, I suppose...

[Thunderbird]

Originally Posted by pgrmdave

Heh...the funny thing was that I was going to say that the joke isn't that funny, really, and it's simply an attack on people who are 'different' from atheists...to each his or her own, I suppose...

I’m a Presbyterian I was making fun of fundamentalist. Cause they are really really stupid. Get it.

[freeztar]

Originally Posted by pgrmdave

Heh...the funny thing was that I was going to say that the joke isn't that funny, really, and it's simply an attack on people who are 'different' from atheists...to each his or her own, I suppose...

Attack? Nah, it's called satire. Did you see the Palin/Clinton duo on SNL? I thought it was pretty funny. They didn't attack Palin or Clinton though, it was satire.

~~~

New customer to Tech Support: It says, "hit any key" and when I do that nothing happens.

Tech Support: Can you try again and tell me what happens?

Customer: Tried but nothing

Tech Support: What key did you hit?

After a moment and some chick ling sound the customer replied: Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key.

[Michaelangelica]

[REASON]

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

----------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict..
----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
----------------------------------------------------------
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
----------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
----------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
----------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
----------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
----------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
----------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
----------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
----------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday after noon.
----------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
----------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
----------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

[DougF]

LIQUID ASSETS

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will
have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00
today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will
have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the
beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have
received a $214.00..
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a
year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be an American!

[Pyrotex]

You have to see this!

Sinfest now gets my vote as the best current events satire online comic anywhere on the internet.

[Moontanman]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES


1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.


2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.


3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.


4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.


5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.


6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.


7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.


8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS


P.S. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

[Pyrotex]

Just when you thought it was
Safe to Go In the Water...