Quality Jokes and Humor

[Biochemist]

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies. (thinking isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a restricted fishing area", he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.

"If you do I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

[orbsycli]

HAHAHAH! i love it.

[infamous]

Originally Posted by Biochemist

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies. (thinking isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a restricted fishing area", he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.

"If you do I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

Good one Bio. I'll have to remember this one.

[Turtle]

___A man is traveling through Canada & finding himself hungry, he stops at a restaurant. The special is fish & chips so he orders it & finds it is the best fish & chips he's ever had. He asks the waiter if he can have the recipe & the waiter says that they just cook the recipe & it's prepeared up the road at a monestary. The man gets directions & heads to the monestary where he rings a bell at a gate & a robed priest appears. The man says he's just had the fish & chips down the road & can he have the recipe, & the priest invites him in. As they procede down a long hall, the man being a bit of a smart aleck says to the priest, so, I guess your the fish friar then? Without missing a beat the priest replies, no, actually I'm the chip monk.

[orbsycli]

ahahahaha nice! these jokes are great.

[JerryB]

Really embarrassed! and really sorry about post #11.
I forgot to include the title and it must have seemed
more like a puzzle than a joke without it. What a waste.
Anyway it's there now, never mind.

[JerryB]

Originally Posted by JerryB

Actually I started to read them through and it suddenly
occurred to me that I didn't need to go to all the trouble
since you would do it for me. Thanks again. I'm off
to correct them.

That reminds me of another joke. I'll post it
next time.

Originally Posted by Dark Mind

Can't wait

Okay so here's that joke:


**********************************************

Three Welshmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to
a football match in London. At the station, the three English each
buy a ticket and watch as the three Welsh buy just one ticket
between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
one of the English. "Watch and learn" answers one of the Welshmen.

They all board the train. The English take their respective seats but
all three Welsh cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect the
tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please".

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in
hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The English are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they
decide to copy the Welsh on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip... To their astonishment, the Welsh don't buy a ticket at all !!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed
English. "Watch and learn..." says one of the Welshmen.

When they board the train the three Welsh cram into a toilet and
soon after the three English pile into another nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Welshmen leaves
the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the English are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."

**********************************************

This joke isn't really one of my top draw jokes but getting
you to correct my errors reminded me of it. Actually I
wasn't even going to put this one up for fear that someone
might find it offensive. But I decided that I'd take the chance.

It's a frustration, DM, some of the best jokes are so insulting
and so funny at the same time. I mean recently there have
been all these really funny dumb blond jokes. And I think like
well, what if it turns out that Buffy is blond? We don't want
to get her angry. I was thinking of maybe changing blond jokes
to Paris Hilton jokes, but then some of the blonds are men
and sometimes there are two blonds in one joke so that
wouldn't work.

Before they were hitting on blonds they used Polish people.
I believe that the British tell those jokes about the Irish.
And there are redneck jokes, only I get the feeling that they
like them. When I was a kid we had "little moron" jokes. But
I guess that's offensive to morons, so we can't do that anymore.
We can still do Bush jokes because they're mostly just quotations
and Bush won't be offended because he doesn't understand why
they're funny.

Originally Posted by Dark Mind

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Having someone young enough to be your student check for spelling and grammatical errors?
Well, actually, I guess I should be flattered that someone as intelligent as you is relying on me to correct them.

Yeh, and I should be flattered that someone as intelligent as you thinks
I'm intelligent. By the way, thanks for the rep points.

But speaking of being intelligent, would you do me a favor? I posted
a thread on the fourth dimension in the strange claims forum and I
guess people around here are burnt out from Time discussions. It
kinda got ignored. But I'd still like to get just a little bit of feedback.
Would you have a look at it and let me know what you think? It's short.

Originally Posted by Dark Mind

Can't wait, I printed out all the other ones and showed them to my family members. Needless to say, they all burst out in laughter.

Great thread!

And I'm also flattered that you found them worth printing out.
Well, I'll go check my collections and see what humor I can find
that's funny and doesn't insult anyone. It ain't easy. I wonder
if there are any English teacher jokes.

Finally, it's a little after midnight here and I've been at this computer
for almost ten hours. So if your still looking for errors this is a
likely place to find them, but I don't think I care anymore, at least
not until I get a good night's sleep.

[Fishteacher73]

Here we go, I think it is needed in todays lawyer happy society.

[orbsycli]

hahAHAHAH!!!!!! that's awesome.

[Dark Mind]

Completely true.