Quality Jokes and Humor

[InfiniteNow]

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.

A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill tells him, between bursts of laughter, "To your house!"

[Jay-qu]

Quality


xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language - By Randall Munroe

[Michaelangelica]

Should we have silly/odd/funny/typo press cuttings thread?

This is a REAL low SPEED CHASE
see thumnail

[DougF]

[InfiniteNow]

A man walks into an elevator, and the woman standing there says to him, "Can I smell your balls?" He replies to her a bit shocked, "No!?!" so she responds, "Oh, then it must be your feet."

[InfiniteNow]

The ugliest woman in the world walks into a department store with her two sons, and the teenager behind the customer service counter says to her, "What handsome boys you have. Are they twins?" The woman, completely dumbfounded, says to him, "One of them is 14, the other is 8. Why the hell would you think they're twins?" So, the employee replies, "Well, I just can't imagine anyone would ever fuck you more than once."

[InfiniteNow]

These two guys leave campus one night after a week of finals. They head into the pub, get thoroughly loaded, trashed beyond all belief, and finally leave to head home. On the way, during their walk, they see a dog on the street licking it's balls. One guy says, "Man! I wish I could do that!" So, the other guy responds, "Don't you think you should at least pet him first?"

[Pyrotex]

Originally Posted by InfiniteNow

The ugliest woman in the world walks into a department store...

I see you watched "The History of the Joke" on the History Channel last night.

So then Cleopatra said to Caesar, "Not tonight, honey, it's my pyramid."

So this priest and a rabbi and a humpback whale go into this bar.
The priest says "I believe the Saviour shed his blood for my sins, so I'll have a glass of Sherry."
The rabbi says "I don't believe the Saviour has arrived yet, so I'll have a Manneschevitz."
The humpback whale says "Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaa...
...aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooooo ...
...oooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..."

[Pyrotex]

Gorgeous blonde says,
"Making love to me is something like taking the SAT.
You have to show up on time.
You have to do your best.
And when your time is up, please put down your little pencil."

[InfiniteNow]

Originally Posted by Pyrotex

I see you watched "The History of the Joke" on the History Channel last night.

Not all of us are as good at telling jokes as you, my friend. It WAS a good show.


A history professor and a psychology professor are sitting outside at a nudist colony. History professor: “Have you read Marx?” Psychology professor: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”