Quality Jokes and Humor

[Michaelangelica]

[Pyrotex]

For reasons I will not explain, I wish to post a joke told me by a young gentleman from Mumbai, India, about 20 years ago. He assured me that in his home land, this was a gasping-for-breath knee-slapper!

The father called his eldest child, a boy of 14 years, into their tiny hovel. The father gave him a sack containing a few meager meals, and three well-worn copper coins, and said, "My son, the rains have failed us again, and there is no hope for the village. Your younger brothers and sisters will soon starve to death, and I am now too weak to even bury their bodies. I am giving you all the wealth I have, and all the food I could scrape together. You must leave this village forever and go to the city of Mumbai. You must find work there and survive and start a new life. Don't forget us, my son."

The boy walked all night long until his feet were bleeding. He slept during the heat of the day in whatever shade he could find. His food lasted two days, but he kept on walking for three more days and nights, living only on dirty water and the little garbage he found. Eventually, he staggered into the outskirts of Mumbai, and was overwhelmed by the wealth he saw. There were bazarrs selling everything he ever imagined. They sold foods his family had been too poor to eat. They sold foods he couldn't even recognize! Eventually he found an open market that sold discounted food that was too old to command a high price. He paid his 3 copper coins for a dozen slightly shriveled tomatos, and took them to the river. He thought they were tomatos, but they were not!

A wealthy Indian gentleman saw the desparately poor boy near the river bank. He saw him pop a red pepper in his mouth and chew, then scream, then run to the river and splash water in his mouth. Only to return to his small pile of peppers and eat another and start the cycle over again. The gentleman walked over to the urchin and said, "Boy? Why are you eating those peppers by themselves? One is enough for a whole pot of hot curry! Why?"

The boy looked up and said, "Sir, I'm am not eating hot peppers. I am eating my father's money."

[Boerseun]

Must've been the accent, Pyro... (I don't get it, either)

Anyways - seeing as poverty's the theme:

There's this beggar in Johannesburg, all busted up with nowhere to go and nothing to eat. So he's on all fours on the sidewalk, eating grass.

So this blond bimbo from the northern suburbs pitches up.

"Come with me", she says, opening her brand new BMW's door for him.

Delighted with somebody taking pity on him, he gets in the car and off they go to her mansion in Sandton. He salivates in the prospect of a proper meal.

They get to her house, and she once again opens the door for him.

"Follow me," she says, and leads the way to the kitchen.

Expecting her to open the fridge, she instead opens the back door.

"Knock yourself out!", she says. "The grass in the back is at least a foot long!"

[Moontanman]

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good-looking female flies.

One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow manure and dives down toward her.

"Pardon me," he asks, turning on his best charm, "but is this stool taken?

[Moontanman]

You know what I hate about dung beetles? Their little shit eating grins!

[Pyrotex]

Originally Posted by Moontanman

You know what I hate about dung beetles? Their little shit eating grins!

[ahem]

so, MooMan, is this what they taught you at Wossamotta U?

[Pyrotex]

Originally Posted by Boerseun

Must've been the accent, Pyro... (I don't get it, either)
Anyways - seeing as poverty's the theme...

Boerseun,
I'm thinking maybe that if you are impoverished and desparate ENOUGH, the strangest things become "funny".

[Moontanman]

Originally Posted by Pyrotex

[ahem]

so, MooMan, is this what they taught you at Wossamotta U?

No! They taught me how to pull a rabbit out of a hat, and to launch flying squirrels......

"Hey Rocky, wanna see me pull a rabbit out of a hat?" "AGAIN!" "Nothing up my sleeve, PRESTO!" "ROAR!" "oooo, I gotta get another hat!"

[Moontanman]

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to
die.
True to his word, he made the first contact, "Marion ... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course ... I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob, you must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

[Michaelangelica]

silly; or maybe holy?